I want to live my life so you do not have to ask me who I am, what I do, or even what I believe because you will know, you will feel it.

I want to live my life deeply, softly, fully.  No regrets.  No drama.

All of this is hard work, which is why most people avoid it at  all costs (very high costs), and some go in and out of alignment (like me, every other day, hour, minute), but it’s a hell of a journey.

Often I want to runaway and hide from life.  Often I want to not make a decision,  have someone else tell me what to do, what to believe, who I am.  Because it is hard work to do it yourself, not have someone else to blame if things go wrong.

I know though, it is worth it.  If I can be accountable for my choices and encourage others to do the same, that will be my legacy as well as my reputation.


Another Language

I actually have been thinking of this  subject for quite a while now, almost a year.  The time keeps flying by.

There are two languages I would like to wake up tomorrow and be fluent in.  I intend to pursue both in my own slow time bordering on procrastination because I know it will be a journey not an aha moment.

I took 3 years of Spanish in high school and did well at it.  I remember nothing.  I tried again as I entered crone-dom in college.  I didn’t have time.  I tried again last year on-line but the main lessons were streamed video, and I alas, was still on dial up internet.  I couldn’t even get into sites with more than a few graphics let alone something streaming.  So I didn’t get far.  Now I have finally found fast internet.  I am overjoyed.  And I will definitely began once more.

All of my paternal lineage comes from the Azore Islands to Provincetown, Massachusetts.  I also want to learn Portuguese.  I am obsessed with tracking down my Azorean heritage.  I can get as far back as the arrival in America in the 1800’s but I want to go back and study the Islands.  I can vaguely hear my Grandparents arguing in Portuguese so the children wouldn’t hear them (I guess they didn’t think their tone of voice gave us the gist and taught us some prime swear words in another language we could try out at school).  Another goal of mine is to get the family tree down on paper for my grandchildren.  When my grandmother spoke of her family and relatives back on the islands I never thought I would forget.  I did.  And it is now lost.  As my cousin pointed out, I am now the oldest living female on that side of the family, so I would like to record all I find this time.

Crone time gives you the freedom to do these things you’ve put off.  Many may say it is too late.  It is never too late to love yourself and do what you want despite what everyone else thinks.

This time I think I have all the tools in place to achieve these dreams.  Portuguese and Spanish are similar enough that learning one should help with the other, but it sure would be a boon if I just woke up tomorrow and I was fluently speaking both.

Azores_old_map               Açores



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