Yesterday I was reading about happiness, and one of the subjects was truthfulness. It brought up an important point that I had not really deeply thought about. I consider myself a pretty truthful person but I also try not to hurt too many feelings either. I had never thought about the fact that when you say you don’t care about something and you really do, you are being untruthful not only to the person you are saying it to, but you are being untruthful to yourself. And that does not lead to happiness.
For example, your friend asks, where do you want to go to eat? You answer, I don’t care. If you truly have no preference at that time, great. If in the back of your mind you are thinking, I really want to try out that Mexican place, or I hate that joint, but you keep all these thoughts to yourself you are actually being untruthful, to your friend and yourself.
Why does this matter and how can it change your happiness level? Because what makes you happy should be part of your everyday agenda, and what doesn’t make you happy should be left out if at all possible. If you mentioned the Mexican place, and your friend agreed, you could have had a memorable experience, lived in the moment, and soaked up the rays of a good time. If you didn’t mention that you did not like a certain place and your friend picked it, going there will probably make you miserable, whiny, and depressed. ( You could still turn this situation around by ignoring the part you didn’t like, and finding a way to turn your attitude into gratitude by just being with your friend but it would be easier and more fun somewhere else).
This sounds like a petty thing to worry about, but it is the beginning of being honest with yourself. It is an easy way to practice truthfulness with yourself and your feelings; something most women have neglected for many years. Nurturing children and husbands and elderly parents, we tend to forget about ourselves and what makes us happy. And if we do do something true to ourselves, we feel guilty of being selfish.
Try following through with what you really think, not what you think others want you to think, and see how it feels. It is very scary at first. Try it once a day, it gets easier. It can even make you smile. For a woman who has been catering to everyone else it is quite an accomplishment. The more you practice being truthful to yourself and following what brings joy to your life, the more content, loving, peaceful you become.
WHAT IS A CRONE?
According to one of my dictionaries, a crone is an ugly, withered old woman; hag. Often, in fairy tales, a crone is depicted as an old ugly witch in the forest. Sounds scary. But then, often things that are not understood or too “out of the box” are labelled wrongly and looked at in disdain.
Could it be that the hag is merely a woman that led her life nurturing everyone around her and has finally found time for herself? Is crone-ing the act of entering into a new age of discovery, leaving the world’s obsession with youth and beauty and possessions behind, and entering a world of contentment, vision, creativity, and spirituality? Is the forest not a return to nature, a place to put your roots back down into Mother Earth, to feel and see the miracles of life and of death?
A crone will not argue too much with definitions but continue on her way, knowing that if you can’t see the beauty and the wisdom in that “ugly, withered old woman”, then you are not ready for the journey and won’t follow until you are.
I hope this is A new beginning , a place to share thoughts, dreams, insights. We are entering a new stage of life. We need to embrace it, share it, and maybe even create a new role model for these years of life.