My Funny Valentine?


After 30 years of what I thought was a “till death do you part” marriage it ended.  I died.  Or at least my heart and soul and spirit did.  The pieces of myself scattered everywhere.  I wanted to die.  It took an endless amount of time to convince myself to chose not to.

I had learned from 30 years of moving, moving, moving (the longest stop maybe 6 months) that nowhere would fix it.  All stops, in the end, are the same.  All humans ranging from the best to the not quite right live there.  The world is how you perceive it and who you surround yourself with.

The only distinction is the weather and the scenery.

So, I pitched a tent on the coast of Oregon.  The ocean has always spoke to me, the negative ions revive me, and the weather doesn’t get too hot or too cold.  I began to try to create a new life.  My heart was not only broken but smashed, cut up, and buried.  I became one of the “walking wounded”.

I dug my roots into Mother Earth, surrounded myself with an invisible purple flame for protection ( a concerned someone showed me this), swore I would never let anyone get close enough to break me again, got a job, got a place to live, went to school, and attempted to care again.

After beating on myself, beating the world, and beating on drums, I began to return to a little bit of sanity.  I was starting a new life of something out of nothing.  Have you ever started from nothing?  It is surprisingly full of rules that try to beat you down.  No one knows you.  You are an outsider.  You can’t get a place to live because you don’t have a job.  You can’t get a job because you don’t have a phone or an address.  You can’t get an address because you are living in a campground.

I survived.  I did it all on my own.

Eventually some well meaning single friends from the city had been on-line dating and decided it was time for me to join them.  I was never, never going there.  No. Never.  Too dangerous on so many levels.  I was not interested.  My family, my job, my home were all lost or broken because of “just friends” from the web.

They put my profile on anyway, with 3 qualifiers:  no smokers, no children at home, within 50 miles.


On Valentine’s Day 2000, I checked my e-mail before work.  There was a short note from a man I didn’t know.  He would like to just have dinner Friday night.  Nothing more, nothing less.

At work that night, all the ladies were talking about what they got from their Valentine, their desks were decorated with flowers and cards, several were showing off  engagement rings, some were passing out chocolates.  When asked about my Valentine, I couldn’t shadow the fun.  I couldn’t do it.  “You never know…I might have found my Valentine today in my e-mail.”  I just laughed it out of my mouth and into the Universe.

I went home in the morning and quickly sent an answer.  Yes, see you Friday.


This Valentine’s Day will be the 14th anniversary of that e-mail.  He hates it when I point that out.  He is very stoic and says it is unnecessary to have anniversaries for every event in my life.  I agree, but I must celebrate incredible events!  Not only did I answer his e-mail and meet him for dinner, he failed two of the three criteria; he smoked,  and his teenage daughter had just moved back in from mama’s.

He was also one of the “walking wounded”, married 28 years until his wife found someone more interesting on the internet.  We were both discarded for the lures of better on the internet, yet we met there.  Ironic, isn’t it.

His eyes drew me in and never let go.  We both agreed – no commitment, just companionship, someone to meet for dinner or coffee once in a while, someone to talk to that understood the pain.  We were both working full time jobs and lived almost an hour apart.

We’ve been together ever since.  It’s been a wonderful fourteen years learning how to love again, trust again, have fun again.  It’s a whole new experience without the strains of sharing kids and money which is the downfall of so many relationships.  Now I have another anniversary to add to the list of holidays I celebrate and he has no chance of denying me that because he is the one who told me “we probably should get over our denial and just get married” (I told you he was stoic).

Now we make a date for dinner every Valentine’s Day.

dp challenge – my funny valentine

15 thoughts on “My Funny Valentine?”

  1. I was lucky – I met my husband, love at first sight and he moved in with me the same night. We lasted 27 years together and finally, finally decided to get married. Had a wonderful day, his kids were delighted and helped organise our wedding, spent it with his daughter, granddaughters and great-granddaughter and it was wonderful, a real surprise. Glad to hear you’ve found love again!

  2. Oh, i love it!! You survived. You started over. You did it yourself. True love is just a bonus when you “right” your own life first. Thank you for finding and following me, and for sharing your stories. I look forward to more.

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